Theodore Bikel:

This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theater. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song. It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie, it's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you, yeah . . . Understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world!



Lord, have mercy on the people in England

For the terrible food these people must eat

(Errrr . . . excuse me)

And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie

And God bless the mind of the man in the street



Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen

Through the terrible functions they all must perform

God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos

And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.



Help everybody, so they all get some action

Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction



Phyllis Bryn-Julson:

A room and a meal

And a garbage disposal

A lawn and a hose'll

Be strictly genteel



Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book

The girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse

Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy

And the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course



Help everybody, so they all get some action

Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction



A Swedish apparatus

With a hood and a bludgeon

With a microwave oven

"Honey, how do it feel?"



Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots

And the dykes and the weird little ch