Dear Mavis I'm compelled to write this letter

In the hope that you may soon be getting better

I've a feeling you should go and see a doctor

If you haven't then you know you really oughta

I was worried so I went to see the vicar

But before I could confess he first confessed to be a stripper



Dear Mavis it was very strange to see him

So I thought I'd write and ask your opinion

Should I grass on him, report him to the cardinal

Or wether I should egg him on to turn professional

If I dob on him they'll call him plastic scouser

But the only thing the stripper wears is plastic trousers



Mavis' opinion is all we really seek Mavis' opinion is all we should we...



Lie while he's still alive

Should we lie while he's still alive

'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it



Dear Mavis, thought I'd follow up my letter

Drop a line about the fate of our poor vicar

Very tragically his time on earth is ended

Found him gagged and bound in stockings and suspenders

Dear Mavis if you tell us what your thoughts are

And I hope that they're not biased 'cos you are the vicar's daughter



Mavis' opinion is all we really seek Mavis' opinion is all we should we...



Lie now that he has died

Should we lie now that he has died

'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it



And we know him as our vicar and by night a part-time stripper

And the vicar got suspended in his stockings and suspenders

And he's making wine from water while he dresses like his daughter

And we know that he's a rip off 'cos we've seen him with his kit off



Should we lie now that he has died Should we lie now that he has died

'Cos when the vicar strips he gets away with it