Along the Forest Road, there's hundreds of cars - luxury cars

Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars - superscars

For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out

Cos they disagree on a gangland boundary

Cos they disagree on a gangland boundary



There's Willy Wright and his boys - one helluva noise, that's Billy's boys

With fully-fashioned mugs, that's Little John's thugs, the Barking Slugs - supersmugs

For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out

Yes, these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor

East-End heroes got to score in ...



The Battle of Epping Forest

Yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest

Right outside our door

No, you ain't seen nothing like this

No, you ain't seen nothing like this

Not since the Civil War



Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill, and Johnny's lads stand very still

With the thumpire's shout, they all start to clout - there's no guns in this gentlemen's bout

Georgie moves in on the outside left with a chain flying round his head

And Harold Demure, from Art Literature, nips up the nearest tree

(Here come the cavalry)



Amidst the battle roar

Accountants keep the score: 10 - 4

They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone

The bluebells are ringing for Sweetmeal Sam, real ham

Handing out bread and jam just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic

It's 5 - 4 on William Wright, he made his pile on Derby night

When Billy was a kid, walking the streets, the other kids hid - so they did

Now, after working hard in security trade, he's got it made

The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid



"I do my double-show quick", said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick

"I sell cheap holiday. The minute they leave, then a visit I pay - and does it pay"

And his friend, Liquid Len by name, of Wine Women and Wandsworth fame

Said: "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed

I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed, got me framed"



They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church unstained

My employers have changed but the name has remained

It all began when I went on a tour, hoping to find some furniture

Followed a sign saying "Beautiful Chest", led to a lady who showed me her best

She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes

So she rang the bell, and quick as hell

Bob the Nob came out on his job to see what the trouble was

"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please ?"

"You're telling me"

"Perhaps, Sir, if it's not too late, we could interest you in our old-fashioned Staffordshire plate ?"

"Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute"

But the Devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out, "Shoot"



To save my steeple, I visited people

For this I had gone when I met Little John

His name came, I understood

When the judge said, "You are a robbing hood"

He told me of his strange foundation

Conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation

He'd had to hide his reputation

When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door

But now, with a pin-up guru every week

It was Love, Peace & Truth Incorporated for all who seek



He employed me as a karmamechanic, with overal charms

His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms



That's why we're in ...

Battle of Epping Forest

Yes, it's the Battle of Epping Forest

Right outside your door

We guard your souls for peanuts

And we guard your shops and houses

For just a little more

Just a little more



In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher

But he's countered on the right by Mick's chaingang fight

And Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men

Is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob

With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress

But Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug

And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure

Fires acorns from out of his sling

(Here come the cavalry)



Up, up above the crowd

Inside their Silver Cloud, done proud

The bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass

The butler's got jam on his Rolls; Roy doles out the lot

With tea from a silver pot just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic

Along the Forest Road, it's the end of the day and the Clouds roll away

Each has got its load - they'll come out for the count at the break-in of day

When the limos return for their final review, it's all through

- All they can see is the morning goo

"There's no one left alive - it must be a draw"

So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin to settle the score