(The lot. JOANNE is reexamining the cable connections for the

umpteenth time.)



MARK

And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.



JOANNE

(playing with some wires)

"Line in"...

I went to Harvard for this?



MARK

Close on Mark's nose dive.



JOANNE

"Line out"...



MARK

Will he get out of here alive...?



(JOANNE notices MARK approaching.)



JOANNE

Mark?



MARK

Hi.



JOANNE

I told her not to call you



MARK

That's Maureen

But can I help since I'm here



JOANNE

I hired an engineer ...



MARK

Great!

Well, nice to have met you



JOANNE

Wait!

She's three hours late

The samples won't delay

But the cable --



MARK

There's another way

Say something -- anything



JOANNE (into the mike)

Test -- one, two three --



MARK

Anything but that



JOANNE

This is weird



MARK

It's weird



JOANNE

Very weird



MARK

Fuckin' weird



JOANNE

I'm so mad

That I don't know what to do

Fighting with microphones

Freezing down to my bones

And to top it all off

I'm with you



MARK

Feel like going insane?

Got a fire in your brain?

And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?



JOANNE

As a matter of fact --



MARK

Honey, I know this act

It's called the 'Tango Maureen'

The Tango Maureen

It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round

As she keeps you dangling



JOANNE

You're wrong



MARK

Your heart she is mangling



JOANNE

It's different with me



MARK

And you toss and you turn

'Cause her cold eyes can burn

Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound



JOANNE

I think I know what you mean



BOTH

The Tango Maureen



MARK

Has she ever pouted her lips

And called you 'Pookie'



JOANNE

Never



MARK

Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?



JOANNE

This is spooky

Did you swoon when she walked through the door?



MARK

Every time -- so be cautious



JOANNE

Did she moon over other boys --?



MARK

More than moon --



JOANNE

I'm getting nauseous

(They begin to dance, with MARK leading.)



MARK

Where'd you learn to tango?



JOANNE

With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss

Porter's. And you?



MARK

With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale

Jewish Community Center.



(They switch, and JOANNE leads.)



It's hard to do this backwards.



JOANNE

You should try it in heels!

She cheated



MARK

She cheated



JOANNE

Maureen cheated



MARK

Fuckin' cheated



JOANNE

I'm defeated

I should give up right now



MARK

Gotta look on the bright side

With all of your might



JOANNE

I'd fall for her still anyhow



BOTH

When you're dancing her dance

You don't stand a chance

Her grip of romance

Make you fall



MARK

So you think, 'Might as well'



JOANNE

"Dance a tango to hell"



BOTH

'At least I'll have tangoed at all'

The Tango Maureen

Gotta dance till your diva is through

You pretend to believe her

Cause in the end -- you can't leave her

But the end it will come

Still you have to play dumb

Till you're glum and you bum

And turn blue



MARK

Why do we love when she's mean?



JOANNE

And she can be so obscene



MARK

Try the mike



JOANNE

My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een...)



MARK

Patched



JOANNE

Thanks



MARK

You know -- I feel great now!



JOANNE

I feel lousy

(The pay phone rings. MARK hands it to JOANNE.)

Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?!

You never call me Pookie...

Forget it, we're patched.



(She hangs up, looks at MARK.)



BOTH

The Tango Maureen!