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The Ballad of Robert Moore and Betty Coltrane

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There was a thick set man with frog eyes

who was standing by the door

and a little bald man with wing-nut ears

was waiting in the car

Well Robert Moore passed the frog-eyed man

as he walked into the bar,

and Betty Coltrane she jumped under her table.





"What's your pleasure?" asked the barman

he had a face like boiled meat

"There's a girl called Betty Coltrane

that I have come to see"

"But I ain't seen that girl 'round here

for more than a week"

and Betty Coltrane she hid beneath the table.



Well, then in came a sailior with

mermaids tattooed on his arms,

Followed by the man with the wing-nut ears

who was waitin' in the car

Well, Robert Moore sensed trouble,

he'd seen it comin' from afar

and Betty Coltrain she gasped beneath the table.





Well, the sailor said "I'm looking for my wife,

they call her Betty Coltrain!"

The frog-eyed man said "That can't be;

that's my wife's maiden name."

And the man with the wing-nut ears said,

"Hey, I married her back in Spain!"

and Betty Coltrain crossed herself beneath the table.





Well, Robert Moore stepped up and said

"That woman is my wife."

and he drew a silver pistol

and a wicked bowie knife;

And he shot the man with the wing-nut ears

straight between the eyes

and Betty Coltrain, she moaned under the table.





The frog-eyed man jumped at Robert Moore,

who stabbed him in the chest

and as Mister Frog-eyes died he said

"Betty, your the girl that I loved best!"

The sailor pulled a razor,

Robert blasted it to bits

"And Betty, I know you're under the table."





"Well have no fear," said Robert Moore,

"I do not want to hurt you!"

"Never a woman did'na love me

half as much as you.

You are the blessed' sun, girl

and you are the sacred moon."

and Betty shot his legs out from under the table!





Well, Robert Moore went down heavy

with a crash upon the floor

and over to his trashin' body

Betty Coltrain she did crawl.

She put the gun to the back of head

and pulled the trigger once more

and blew his brains out all over the table!





Well Betty stood up and shook her head

and waved the smoke away.

Said, "I'm sorry Mr Barman

to leave your place this way."

As she emptied out their wallets she said,

"I'll collect my severence pay."

and then she winked and threw a dollar on the table.