I'm here on a mission to tell you exactly what can go wrong if you're not careful. you see, it's like this: you're running down the staircase at random. you take one step, you take two steps, yo

E seven steps, 10 steps, two steps, 15 steps, 19 steps...you're lying in a heap at the bottom of the staircase--blood, bones, powder, that sort of thing--and you're wondering, how did i get here

Then you look up and you see...it's a man in a cowl, it's a man in a cowl, he opens his face to you--it's jimmy tarbuck*. he is saying, "kiss the ring! kiss the ring!", and he says, &

Yes, there is a santa claus, and anybody who blasphemes against santa or any of his helpers shall die." what do you do? what do you do?



You whimper thanks to the heavenly sky

Its grey is getting lighter

No peace of mind or sleep for you

You haven't earned it yet

And you won't by dusk, i bet

Until you learn what futures you've destroyed

We musn't see you sulk or get annoyed...no



On the day i lost everything they couldn't help enough

They shot my veins full of gelatine

I said, "thank you very much, you're too kind!"



While they lived in luxury

I made do with money, sweet money

And now i'm going to measure the rain

And you can sit and watch me--look! look!

Don't even think about not answering your phone

It might be me and i know you're always home



On the day i lost everything they couldn't help enough

They stopped my clock and they folded my wings

I said, "thank you very much for everything!"

It means, "i'm gonna destroy you with my slings and my bullets!"



On the day i lost everything the sky was purest white

And the clocks had stopped so i started to sing

"the magpie sleeps tonight"



On the day i lost everything



* a veteran liverpool comedian, talk show and game show host, and a golfing enthusiast as well.


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