Well, I used to drive a cab, you know

I heard a siren scream

Pulled over to the corner

And fell into a dream

There were two men eating pennies

And three young girls who cried

"The West coast is falling,

I see rocks in the sky."

The preacher took his bible

And he laid it on the stone.

He said: "with the congegration running,

Why should I play the fool?"



Well I used to be a woman, you know

I took you for a ride,

I let you fly my airplane

It looked good for your pride.

'cause you're the kind of man you know

Who likes what he says.

I wonder what's it's like

To be so far over my head.

Well, the lady made the wedding

And she brought along the ring.

She got down on her knees

And said: 'let's get on with this thing'.



Well I used to be a folk singer

Keeping managers alive,

When you saw me on a corner

And told me I was jive.

So I unlocked your mind, you know

To see what I could see.

If you guarantee the postage,

I'll mail you back the key.

Well I woke up in the morning

With an arrow through my nose

There was an indian in the corner

Tryin' on my clothes.



Well I used to be asleep you know

With blankets on my bed.

I stayed there for a while

'til they disovered I was dead.

The coroner was friendly

And I liked him quite a lot.

If I hadn't 've been a woman

I guess I'd never have been caught.

They gave me back my house and car

And nothing more was said.



Well I was driving down the freeway

When my car ran out of gas.

Pulled over to the station

But I was afraid to ask.

The servicemen were yellow

And the gasoline was green.

Although I knew I couldn't

I thought I was gonna scream.

That was on my last trip to Tulsa

Just before the snow.

If you ever need a ride there,

Be sure to let me know.



Well I was chopping down a palm tree

When a friend dropped by to ask

If I would feel less lonely

If he helped me swing the axe.

I said 'no, it's not a case of being lonely

We've had here,

I've been working on this palm tree

For eighty seven years.'

He said "go get lost"

And walked towards his Cadillac.

I chopped down the palm tree

And it landed on his back.