CHORUS (spoken):

The naming of cats is a difficult matter

It isn't just one of your holiday games

You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter

When I tell you a cat must have three different names



First of all, there's the name that the family use daily

Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James

Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey

All of them are sensible, everyday names



But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular

A name that's peculiar and more dignified

Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular?

Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride?



Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum

Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat

Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum

Names that never belong to more than one cat



But above and beyond there's still one name left over

And that is the name that you will never guess

The name that no human research can discover

But the cat himself knows and will never confess



When you notice a cat in profound meditation

The reason, I tell you, is always the same

His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation

Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name

His ineffable, effable, effanineffable

Deep and inscrutable singular name

Name, name, name, name, name, name