"Let's meet contestant number one

He's a skitsofrantic, serial killer clown

Who says, "woman love his sexy smile"

Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon

Sharon, what's your question?"



"Contestant number one,

I believe first impressions last forever

So let's say you were to come over to my parent's house

And have dinner with me and my family

Tell me what you would do to make

That first impression really stick"



[Violent J]

Let's see, uh, well, I'd have to think about it

I might show up in a tux, HA!, but I doubt it

I'd probably just show up naked like I always do

And lick your momma in the eye and tell her, "FUCK YOU!!!"

Hurry up bitch, I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti

I'd pinch her loopy ass and tell her, "Get the food ready!"

Your dad will probably start tripping and get me pissed

I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fucking lips!

It's dinner time, we hearing grace from your mother

I pull a forty out and pour some for your little brother

I'm steady staring at your sister, I'll tell you this

You know for only 13, she got some big tits

After that, your dad will try to jump again

And only this time, I'd put the forty to his chin

After you mom does the dishes and the silverware

I'd dry-fuck her till I nut in my underwear



"Now, let's me contestant number two

He's a psychopathic, deranged, crackhead freak

Who works for the Dark Carnival

He says women call him stretch nuts

Sharon, let's hear your question"



"I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions

A man who expresses himself in his own special way

Number two, if you fell in love with me

Exactly how would you let me know?"



[Shaggy 2 Dope]

First thing, I could never love you

You sound like a richie-bitch, yo, FUCK YOU!!!

But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care

By taking all these other motherfuckers outta here

I'd go through your phone book and whack em all

And find contestant number one and break his fucking jaw (what?!)

Anyone who looked at you, would have to pay

I'd be blowing fucking nuggets off all day

I'd grab your titties and stretch em down past your waist

Let em go, and watch em both spring up in your face

I'd sing love songs to you, the best I can

Get you naked, and hit it like a CAVEMAN!!!

When we go to the beach and walk through the sand

I throw a little in your face and say, I'm just playin

As you spit it all out, I'd rub your back

And grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!!



"Well it sounds like contestant number two

Is just over-flowing with sensativity, Sharon

It's a touch choice so far

Sharon, let's have your last question and

See which one is going to win the rights to your neden"



"Okay, if we were at a dance club, and you both noticed me at the

same time. Tell me, how would you each get my attention, and what would

your pick up line be? Well, whoever's the smoothest wins!"



[Violent J]

Okay, first I'd slide up to the bar

And tell you that I can't believe how fucking fat you are

I'd tell that I like the way you make your titties shake

And if you lost a little weight, you'd look like Rickie Lake!



[Shaggy 2 Dope]

Fuck that, you'd be jocking me quick

I'd order you a drink and stir it with my dick

And then to get your attention in the crowded place

I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face



[Violent J]

Yeah, freak with your nuts, yo, that'll get her

Tell her that's she fat, yeah, that'll work even better

Look, fuck you, I got a strong rap

Shit, you don't want contestant number two

He's mad-whack



[Violent J]

I walk into a bar and there he was

Standing up on a bucket, eww, trying to fuck it

It was a big fucking smelly, ass farm llama

Damn dawg! how you gonna diss your momma?!