Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys

For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys

When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death

Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo

Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo

And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,

"Merry Christmas to all... now you're all gonna die!"



The night Santa went crazy

The night St. Nick went insane

Realized he'd been gettin' the wrong deal

Something finally must have snapped in his brain



Well, the workshop is gone now he decided to bomb it

Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet

And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage

And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger

And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddie Krueger

And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen

And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"



The night Santa went crazy

The night Kris Kringle went nuts

Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole

Without steppin' in reindeer guts



There's the National Guard and the FBI

There's a van from the Eyewitness News

And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky

And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'

And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?

My my my my my my

You used to be such a jolly guy



[soft, pleasant original version]

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time

In a federal prison for his infamous crime

Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears

He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years

But now Vixen's in therapy, and Donner's still nervous

And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service

And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night

With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights



They're talkin' 'bout - the night Santa went crazy

The night St. Nicholas flipped

Broke his back for some milk and cookies

Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped



Wo, the night Santa went crazy

The night St. Nick went insane

Realized he'd been gettin' the wrong deal

Something finally must have snapped in his brain



Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain

Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain