Between Marx and marzipan in the dictionary there was Mary

Between the deep blue sea and the devil that was me

If ever anyone could help me with my obsession with

The young Susannah York it was Mary



If my pink pyjamas she asked me for something

I gave her the short answer

She read our stars out load

And I knew then that we should have gone sailing

But we stayed home instead

Fighting on the waterbed

Like the honeymoon couple on drugs

Me and Mary



What happened in the past

Remained a mystery of natural history

She should have been the last

But she was just the latest

If she wanted to be a farmer's wife

I would endure that muddy life

I would dig for victory



And the sound of happy couples

Coupling happily in the dark

While you and I sat down to tea

I remember you said to me

That no amount of poetry

Would mend this broken heart

But you can put the Hoover round

If you want to make a start



All my friends from school

Introduce me to their spouses

While I'm left standing here

With my hands down the front of my trousers

I just don't know what's to be done

I wonder sometimes how did Dad meet Mum

And how did they conceive of me

Tell me Mary



The boys who came to the shop

Always made her laugh much more than I did

When I told her this must stop

She didn't bat an eyelid

She said you know honey it's such a shame

You'll never be any good at this game

You bruise too easily

So said Mary



Her two brothers took me out

Of circulation for the duration

So we went our separate ways but does she still love me

She still has my door key

Like a bully boy in a Benetton shop

You're never happy with what you've got

Till what you've got has gone

Sorry Mary