I was surprised, I was happy for a day in 1975

I was puzzled by a dream, stayed with me all day in 1995

My brother had confessed that he was gay

It took the heat off me for a while

He stood up with a sailor friend

Made it known upon my sisters wedding day



I got married in a rush to save a kid from being deported

Now she's in love

I was so touched, I was moved to kick the crutches

From my crippled friend

She was not impressed that I cured her on the Sabbath

So I went to confess

When she saw the funny side, we introduced my child bride

To whisky and gin



The priest in the booth had a photographic memory

For all he had heard

He took all of my sins and he wrote a pocket novel called

"The State I Am In"

So I gave myself to God

There was a pregnant pause before he said ok

Now I spend my day turning tables round In Marks & Spencer's

They don't seem to mind



I gave myself to sin

And I've been there and back again

I gave myself to Providence

The state that I am in



Oh love of mine, would you condescend to help me

I am stupid and blind

Desperation is the Devil's work, it is the folly of a boys empty mind

Now I'm feeling dangerous, riding on city buses for a hobby is sad

Lead me to a living end

I promised that I'd entertain my crippled friend

My crippled friend