I used to want to take a

drill to my head

Let the pain out of the hole

I used to want to cut the

veins in my neck

Cool the blood boiling my

soul

When I wondered, why my

daily headaches thundered

Tried to buffer, pushing

down the pain I suffered

Mutilated, feeling so

humiliated

Cannot wash the dirt off

underneath my skin



There was a part of me left

far behind

When at the age of five

years old

I had my innocence taken

from me

Emptiness would fill the

hole

Now a second grader,

thinking why I don't feel

better

Why I'm filthy, why the hell

I feel so guilty

When drawing stick men

of pornographic men and

women

Thinking all the time

there's something wrong

with me



Everyday for three years

from dawn 'til dusk a

migraine

would take me and break me

And it'd cripple me so

much that

In dreams, it'd seem, with

a hole in my temple

that I could probably make

my headaches finally go

away



Trephination

trephination

The enemy inside of me

won't let me free

wants me to bleed



And after three years now

my headaches wear off

For reasons not quite to

me known

The acupuncture needles

sticking my skin

Pushed them down as far

as they'd go

But now I'm older and now

inside my anger smolders

from depression, to fighting

Taking out my vengeance

Consequences, now I'd

question during sex if ...

Is this how it fucking feels

or am I faking it ?



No longer the child that

you left there at the bart

tracks

I'm now at 17, left in an

empty blackness

On drugs, with thugs, and

thinking "Goddamn ?"

I'm ending up in a failure,

in the gutter passed out



Trephination

trephination

This enemy inside of me

won't let me free

wants me to bleed



Now I'm older and in this

man an anger smolders

Now I'm thinking a hole in

you is what I'm seeing

Your depression, is the

dent I kick in you in

vengeance

Consequences are the pain

I'd give to you



I know that I'm dreaming,

but in this dream I go in

go through it, and end it

And though I'd never do it

I'm killing you, hand on

the trigger - pull it

Your final thought'll be a

bullet in your fuckin' head



Trephination

trephination

This enemy inside of me

I'm now killing

to make me free.