Your Uncle Walter's going on and on

Bout everything he's seen and done

The voice of 50 years experience

Drunk watching the television

You know he's been around the world

Last night he flew to Baghdad

In his magical armchair

Cigarettes and a six pack he just got back

Now the spit's flying everywhere





Hey hey hey hey (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)

You're back so late (Where did you go that you were gone so long)

how could you leave me here so long

With Uncle Walter





Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots

He drove his chair in the cavalcade

He's flown from South Africa

To countries where

They beat themselves on the backs with chains

There was a fleet of battleships

And 1 reclining chair

Headed north on the Arabian sea

Now he's back and he'll tell us what

He and his oldest boy Blair

Are getting rich with their mail order scheme





Oh, oh, oh, oh

We're glad you're home

But how could you leave me here so long

With Uncle Walter





Your Uncle Walter told me

Everything he'd do if he was president

Oh what a perfect world

This world would be

If he were President now





And he sees the children

Smoking pot

He knows that in a moment

They'll be shooting up heroin

Teardrops in his armchair

A 50 minute lecture

And tobacco juice rolling down his chin





Hey, hey, hey, hey

You're back so late

How could you leave me here so long

With Uncle Walter