Uneasy Rider

I was takin' a trip out to LA

toolin' along in my Chevrolet



tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio



jes' as I cross the Mississippi line I heard that highway start to whine



and I knew that left rear tire was about to go



well the spare was flat and I got uptight 'cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight



so I jes' limped down the shoulder on the rim



I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car



it was right in front of this little bar



a kind of a redneck lookin' joint called the Dew Drop Inn



well I stuffed my hair up under my hat



and told the bartender that I had a flat



and would he be kind enough to give me change for a one



there was one thing I was sure proud to see



there wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him an' me



and he jest looked disgusted an' pointed toward the telephone



I called up the station down the road a ways



and he said he wasn't very busy t'day



and he could have somebody there in jest 'bout ten minutes or so



he said now you jes' stay right where yer at



and I didn't bother tellin' the durn fool I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go



I jes ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar



when some guy walked in an' said who owns this car



with the peace sign the mag wheels and four on the floor



well he looked at me and I damn near died



and I decided that I'd jus wait outside



so I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door



jes' when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin



these five big dude come strollin' in



with this one old drunk chick



and some fella with green teeth



an' I was almost to the door when the biggest one



said you tip your hat to this lady son



an' when I did all that hair fell out from underneath



now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight



in Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night



'specially when there was three of them and only one of me



well they all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick



and I knew I'd better think of somethin' pretty quick



so I jes' reached out an' kicked ol' green-teeth right in the knee



he let out a yell that'd curl your hair



but before he could move I grabbed me a chair



and said watch him folks 'cause he's a thouroughly dangerous man



well you may not know it but this man's a spy



he's an undercover agent for the FBI



and he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan



he was still bent over holdin' on to his knee



but everyone else was lookin' and listenin' to me



and I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went



I said would you beleive this man has gone as far



as tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars



and he voted for George McGoveren for president



well he's a friend of them long-haired hippie type pinko fags



I betcha he's even got a Commie flag Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage



he's a snake in the grass I tell ya guys



he may look dumb but that's jus a disguise



he's a mastermind in the ways of espionage



they all started lookin' real suspicious at him



and he jumped up an' said jes' wait a minute jim



you know he's lyin' I've been livin' here all of my life



I'm a faithfull follower of Brother John Burch



and I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church



and I ain't even got a garage -- you can call home and ask my wife



then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed



but I didn't wait around to hear the rest



I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck



and when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks



and they were jes' takin' my car down off the jacks



so I threw the man a twenty an' jumped in an' fired that mother up



Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud



of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd



comin' out the door and headin' toward me in a trot



an' I guess I shoulda gone ahead an' run



but somehow I couldn't resist the fun



of chasin' them jes' once around the parkin' lot



well they're headin' for their car but I hit the gas



and spun around and headed them off at the pass



well I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air



well I had them all out there steppin' an' a fetchin'



like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin'



but I figured I oughta go ahead an split before the cops got there



when I hit the road I was really wheelin'



had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'



an' I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas



I think I'm gonna re-route my trip



I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped



if I went to LA via Omaha