Vegematic

(Steve Goodman, Mike Smith, Shel Silverstein)

(Big Ears Music, Red Pajamas Music, Pierce Arrow Music, Evil Eye Music)



Fell asleep last night with the TV on,

Oh, what a dream I had.

Dreamed I went and answered ev'ry single

One of those late night mail order ads.

Then four to six weeks later,

Much to my surprise,

The mailman came to my front door

And I couldn't believe my eyes.



He brought the Vegematic

And the Pocket Fisherman, too,

Illuminated, illustrated History of Life

And Box Car Willie with a ginsu knife,

A bamboo steamer and a garden weasel, too,

And a tie dyed day-glow souvenir shirt

From Six Flags Over Burbank.



Well, the doorbell rang all mornin',

All through the afternoon,

And I shook with fright as it rang all night

By the light of the Mastercard moon.

There was Federal Express in the pantry,

Parcel Post in the hall,

COD to the ceiling,

And I just couldn't pay for it all.



I got an egg scrambler

With a seal-a-meal carryin' case,

A set of Presidential Commemorative Plates

So I could eat my eggs off a President's face,

A minute mender

And a needle that'll knit or crochet

And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin

At Six Flags Over Burbank.



Well I know that I was dreamin'

So I gave a mighty cheer

When I awoke, it was no joke

'Cause all that shit was here,

So if you fall asleep with the TV on

Let me tell you what to do.

Rip the telephone out of the wall

Unless you want this to happen to you.



You get Vegematic and the Pocket Fisherman, too,

Iluminated, illustrated History of Life

And Box Car Willie with a ginsu knife,

A bamboo steamer and a garden weasel, too,

And a tie dyed day-glow souvenir shirt

From Six Flags Over Burbank.



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