Just outside of Johnson City

On a dark and twisting road

In a Kenworth 18-wheeler

With a heavy, shifting load

He was pushing through to Binghamton

Though the hour was getting late

Pfizers finest on a mission

To the pharmacies upstate

He was on a holy mission

There were men who couldnt wait

(for his thirty thousand pounds of Viagra)



Hed clocked seven hundred miles

Since he climbed into the rig

Just another twenty-five or so

Would finish up that gig

But the trailer hit an oil slick

And down the hill did fly (Oh, my!)

til it landed at the bottom

in the towns water supply

It was instant rigor mortis

What a hard way to die!



CHORUS:

Save your sons

Shield your daughters

Theres Viagra

In the waters



All over Johnson City

People rising with the dawn

They drank their morning coffee,

Took their showers, watered lawns

And who could have predicted

All the changes up ahead?

Men were getting up for work,

And heading back to bed

So many called in sick,

You would have thought a virus spread



Down at the courthouse coffee shop

Some stared in disbelief

As a pack of thirsty lawyers

Started filling out their briefs

But at the local college

Young men appeared much smarter

No chromosomal mystery

They simply studied harder

Now water on the rocks

Is the latest party starter



CHORUS



The Johnson City firemen

Cursed their wretched luck

They could not get their fire hoses

Wound back on the truck

Sprinkling holy water at a funeral,

Father Ryan said

"I know Ive saved their souls,

but Ive never raised the dead.

Would a couple o strong men help me now-