If I go to Heaven it'll probably be a slum

And all the pretty angels just might be packing guns

And if I see St. Peter will he hit me up for cash

Will I find the road to Jesus or just lose him in the trash



The Shaggs were right

You're never going to please anybody

Not in this world



If I go to Hell I might find it very dull

Like an Amway convention or an endless shopping mall

When all the innocent demons want to poke me with a fork

Or just put me in a taxi and send me to New York



Scientists proved it years ago

The Shaggs were much better than the Beatles



Maybe I'll return as an iguana

And lie upon a beach down in the Bahamas



Although ignored in their day

The Shaggs are now recognised as the geniuses they were



I just wanna know what happens when you die

Do you walk down in a hole or float up to the sky

Is it just a waste of water, when your widow cries?



Oh don't tell me you've never heard of the Shaggs?



If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry

For there is no great being whose favour I must curry

And I'll be going nowhere once they lay me in the earth

So why waste a Sunday by going to church?



If you really wanted to

You could run out right now and buy a Shaggs record



If the atheists are wrong then I've got a bill that's due

So should I be a Christian or a Moslem or a Jew

Should I spend all day just praying on my knees

And searching through the world for a deity to please



A Shaggs record would be a sound investment



If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry

For there is no great being whose favour I must curry



The fat peoples want what the skinny peoples got

Th