Out the door she walked slamming it behind her

I'm dialing the telephone.

dying just to find her

there I sit; master of all I survey

"she'll crawl back on her hands and knees someday"

so I punched a hole in the wall with my fist

put on Julie London and I knocked back a fifth

"how come this shit always happens to me,

when I'm such a fucking sweetheart it's a mystery."

I walked upstairs fell flat on my face

passed out and dreamed of a beautiful place

and when everything seemed to be going my way

I woke up in a puddle of puke where I lay.

I put the sheets in the washer

took the covers to the cleaners

as my head pounds, I get impatient and meaner

back at the houe I put the Tar Babies on

pulled out the poker and cleaned out the bong

and as the resin stars rising to my head

Ralphy starts thinking he'd be better off dead

somehow my life just seems so incomplete

waking up alone in the pukey sheets.

Well I'm not stupid just a little bit dense when I'm

wondering where the heck is my white picket fence,

house in the 'burbs with the 2.3 brats

instead of living here with the vomit and the rats.

Well now I'm sitting here in my dingy little hovel

and I'm wishing that my life was a romance novel

sweep me off my feet, baby take me away

(I crawled back on my hands and knees today)

happily ever after we can live in my castle

even though dealing with me is just hassle after hassle

I'll put up Mantovani we could dance on the ceiling

while I play out the same scene once more with feeling.

What's my motivation? it don't make no sense

where the heck is my white picket fence?

I thought love was gonna save my life

there ought to be a law against me having a wife

so out the door she walked slamming it behind her