I remember well when I was but a child of tender years

The day that I discovered the catalog from Sears

The people in the pictures they made me stop and stare

Who'd have guessed that they'd be dressed in thermal underwear?



Underwear! Long underwear!

It makes the foulest weather feel like fair!

It's ten below and icy winds blow whistling through the air

Let it storm, I'm toasty warm inside my underwear.



Prudence says to set our thermostats at sixty-five

In skimpy briefs and brassieres you will not survive

The Lord in all her wisdom gave us more than skin and hair

She gave us wit, ourselves to fit with thermal underwear.



Underwear! Long underwear!

Beneath our clothes, without it we are bare

Plutonium is perilous and coal pollutes the air

The energy source that's best, of course, is thermal underwear.



Paul Newman wears it all the time and Redford he does, too

Barbra Streisand swears that it's the only thing to do

Lovers, if you think that taking off your clothes is nice

Do not miss the greater bliss of taking them off twice!



Underwear! Long underwear!

Slip inside and leave behind your cares

The oil and gas kingpins will rant and tear their hair

Who needs them? We've got a friend in thermal underwear